What do you write on a card to someone who has cancer? It's a tough question. Particularly if you have never been through the roller coaster emotions of cancer treatments you might be in the dark as to what helps in a card and what hurts for someone who has cancer.
Follow these steps to find out what you can write to your loved one who is facing cancer today.
Instructions
1. CONSIDER THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE CANCER.
A card for someone who has been given five months to live should say something very different than someone who has just found a small growth and is waiting tests. Stages of cancer often run on the Roman Numeral system which is referred to when someone says "Stage I" or "Stage IV". Stage one means the cancer is limited and local to one part of the body. Stage II is the advanced but still localized. Stage III differs depending on the cancer but generally refers to greater advancement or higher spreading within one localized area. Stage IV refers to cancer that has moved throughout the body.
2. ADDRESS THE CARD CONSIDERING THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE CANCER.
At all stages, encouragement should be given. However, advanced Stage IV cancer patients likely hold very few illusions about the card that says "get well soon." They probably won't even read that one.
Cancer is a serious disease with a long recovery process.
Consider starting out the note more along the lines of an emotional recognition of the situation. Instead of 'we are thinking of you often' try 'our hearts are just overwhelmed with grief' or 'we have shed more than a few tears over these last days' or 'Even though this is an incredibly dark time...'
3. SPEAK WORDS OF MEANINGFUL LOVE.
Let the person know why you love them, what you appreciate about them, and make it specific. Instead of 'I love you so much' try 'I have always cherished your bright smile, your listening ear, and your deep friendship in my life.'
4. OFFER YOUR CONCRETE HELP IF POSSIBLE.
Don't say 'Please let me know if you need anything.' Most people don't want to be a burden. Instead, write something like 'I would love to bring you a few meals next week, so don't plan on cooking until Tuesday.' Or say 'I would love to do some yard work for you if you don't mind. Can you call me when it is a good time?'
Think about the normal tasks of life that might be burdensome on top of cancer. But also consider giving rides to chemotherapy or other cancer treatment related needs. Be specific, but don't be pushy.
5. CLOSE WITH WARMTH, OPTIMISM, AND LOVE.
Even if a person is in their last days, they don't need a rainy gloom to descend through your card. A shared joke, or a funny memory can lift the end of a card. Be sure to explicitly state your love, and the best realistic hopes you can offer. If health is out of the realm of reason, then let them know you are hoping for meaningful connections with family, laughter from joyful memories, or other positive moments in their otherwise difficult days.
** See more tips below on what to write on a card to someone who has cancer.
Tags: card someone, someone cancer, card someone cancer, last days, SERIOUSNESS CANCER, Stage Stage
