When a person you know and care about is diagnosed with cancer, it is easy to feel awkward around him and unsure what to say. Many well-intentioned people have been known to go about comforting a friend or loved one in less-than-helpful ways. The most important thing you can do when talking to someone with cancer is to relax, stop and think before you speak. Remember that not all cancers are terminal and that most people do not like to be treated as invalids.
What to Do
When talking to and consoling a person with cancer, focus on being supportive in a positive way. Remind the person of personality traits that she possess that will help her conquer the cancer, such as strength, bravery or tenacity. If you care about a person with cancer tell him so, and offer to lend support in any way that you can. Keep it simple if you are having trouble overcoming a feeling of awkwardness or clumsiness. A hug or a simple "thinking of you" card can be a great way to lend support without fear of saying the wrong thing It is also acceptable to ask someone what they need if you are not sure.
What Not to Do
Always make sure that anything you say to comfort or support a friend with cancer is really as positive as you mean it to be. An example of a negative misconstrued as a positive is given by CNN's Judy Fortin. In her article, Fortin interviews a cancer survivor who was told by a friend that it was "amazing how good you can look when you're dying," These types of left-handed compliments should, naturally, be avoided. Also avoid giving people with cancer unsolicited advice about their illness and its treatment. Leave treatment options and decisions where they should be--between doctor and patient.
Listen
Your willingness to listen can sometimes offer far more support and encouragement than anything you can say. Cancer patients need to be allowed to express hopes, fears and concerns about their disease. Listening is a great way for you offer support without worrying what to say or not say. Listening also helps you cue in on your friend's changing moods and state of mind. If someone you love needs to talk about his cancer, let him. If the next day the same person needs to talk about anything but cancer, let him do that, too.
Tags: with cancer, about their, care about, lend support, needs talk, needs talk about
