A diagnosis of breast cancer is devastating to the patient, her family and her friends. People often struggle to know what to say. They are often afraid they will say the wrong thing and make the patient feel worse than she already does. The most valuable thing to do is to express your support.
Dos
Keep it simple.
Expressing concern is one of the most valuable things you can do when you find out a friend or family member has breast cancer, according to "When Someone You Know Has Cancer," an American Cancer Society publication. Saying you are sorry for what they are going through tells them that you know about the diagnosis and that you care about them.
Offer encouragement but do not say things such as, "I'm sure everything will be fine." Although you may believe that or want the person to recover, comments like that can make it seem as if you are dismissing his fears.
Talk about other topics. Think about what you talked about before the breast cancer diagnosis. The person is still interested in those things and probably will appreciate the opportunity to talk about something other than cancer.
There are times when not saying anything is better than talking. Offer to listen if the patient wants or needs to talk. Often, your presence alone speaks volumes. It tells the person you care.
Don'ts
Do not tell them horror stories about someone else's fight against breast cancer. Do not tell them about the regimen of treatments your aunt had. Everybody's experience is different.
Try not to comment on her appearance, especially if what you are going to say is negative. If she looks pale or has lost a lot of weight, she probably already knows that. Telling her is a good way to make her feel uncomfortable, the American Cancer Society publication said.
Statements like "You're so brave" and "You're so strong" are best to avoid, according to Terri Ades, American Cancer Society director of cancer information. Those statements can make a breast cancer patient afraid of looking weak and limit his ability to speak honestly.
Do not forget a person as her treatment continues. Periodically ask the patient how she is doing. That shows you still care.
Tags: American Cancer, American Cancer Society, breast cancer, Cancer Society, breast cancer, Cancer Society publication
